I started writing this blog post last Tuesday. More specifically, I was writing it after work, but before we went to visit my dad in the hospital. God's timing is amazing. Just that morning, in my quiet time I was reading Nehemiah 8, and the verse below stood out to me:
"Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!" Nehemiah 8:10.
I have been faced with some new, exciting opportunities lately, as well as some challenges, and I keep reading about how God tells us to be strong (Ezra 10:4, Isaiah 35:4, 1 Corinthians 16:13, 2 Timothy 2:1 just to name a few). I keep thinking, 'well, that's great advice, but how exactly am I supposed to be strong? I honestly don't know how.' It was no accident that I discovered that verse that morning, nor was it coincidence that I could not get that verse out of my head all day.
I wasn't able to finish the blog post before it was time to leave, so I saved the draft with the intention of finishing up that night. I had no idea just how much that verse would mean to me until we got to the hospital, and we received the news that I have been half dreading, half expecting for a while...my dad had passed away.
In that moment, I had multiple reactions; sadness, numbness, and thankfulness. It felt strange to me that I could be feeling all three of those things within a matter of 30 seconds, but in the days that followed, this verse stuck with me, and my strongest moments were when I was looking towards God.
I am thankful for two things: one, my dad is no longer suffering, and two: just a couple weeks before he passed away, Bishop T.D. Jakes preached a powerful sermon on forgiveness at our church, and I was finally able to let go of a lot of past hurts from my childhood and teen years that were caused by my dad's health.
One of my favorite things that Elevation has taught is this (from the Joy Genome series): My joy is not determined by what happens to me, but by what Christ is doing in me and through me.
In John 12:27, Jesus says this, "Now my soul is deeply troubled. Should I pray, 'Father, save me from this hour?' But this is the very reason I came! Father, bring glory to your name."
We have the opportunity, in everything we do and go through in life, to bring glory to God. God is my strength...my dad is no longer suffering, and I am thankful for that...and I am blessed that my mom is still living and I have opportunities to grow closer to her and my sister during this difficult time. I am praying for my faith to grow even stronger and bolder, and that God touches and speaks to other people through me.
