Final Answer

After months of waiting and praying and hoping, I was given the answer yesterday about Corporate's decision on allowing my managers to hire me. Their answer was no. However, I still have my job as a temp.

I took the news calmly in the HR office, but once I got back to my desk discouragement started to set in. Even though I know God is providing for us, and this is the source of income I have been given, I let the negative points settle in...I won't get paid holidays. I won't get paid vacation. Anytime I want time off, my paycheck will suffer. I won't feel free to ever just take an afternoon off to go to a doctor's appointment because I'll always have to make up the time.

It's easy to let all of those details seem bigger than the fact that I have a job. I didn't walk out of work yesterday to rejoin the unemployment lines. I really believe that this is teaching me to trust God, not my job title. Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding." My own understanding says that this isn't fair, I deserve the full time job with benefits and sick time and vacation and holiday pay. But God says that this is how He is providing for us...I have more than enough income to cover the bills. I can save up some money in a reserve to make up for the pay I would miss when I want to take a vacation day or two, or when a holiday comes up.

I was reading Jon Acuff's book Quitter this morning, and I came across a passage that was very encouraging. It said, "Every decision you make, every path you take, has the ability to contribute something you need to suceed at your dream." I'm still not 100% sure what my dream is. I'm not sure what it is in life I'm going to be doing, besides being a supportive wife to the most amazing husband in the world. But based on what I've seen so far, I'm going to take things one step at a time, and I will be exactly where I am meant to be. I'm learning a lot at this job, both professionally and personally, that I would not have been able to learn by just walking into a job and never going through layoffs and company downsizing, never having to face unemployment and the uncertainty of what comes next.

God is providing for our needs, and although I know I won't be at this company for the rest of my life, I'm there right now, and I'm surrounded by a group of wonderful people who have become an extended family.