Psalm 23

I have read Psalm 23 a large number of times, partly because it’s the most common psalm that is on display in stores and in businesses that put it up, but also because it is commonly used in devotionals that I read. Personally, I feel like I have read it so many times that I have not fully taken in all of the true meaning of the words. I decided that this time I would read it slowly, line by line, instead of just in one big excerpt.

The Lord is my shepherd, I have all that I need. With God in my life, He is the provider, and I have what I need to survive. I may not have everything that I want, but I have nice clothes to wear, food to eat, and a home to live in. Sheep do not worry about their needs; the shepherd takes care of them. Therefore, I should do the same.

He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. God lets us rest. He is not a slave driver, expecting us to work our entire day away in order to please Him. He calls us into times of rest, not days of extreme busyness. If I am going through my day with no time to stop and rest, I need to stop and reorganize my priorities.

He renews my strength. Not only does God let us rest, but He gives us new strength when we need it and ask for it. There have been days where I felt like I couldn’t drag myself out of bed, but once I asked God for strength, I managed to get moving and within ten minutes I was moving at a normal speed (I am only a morning person if morning starts after the sun is up).

He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. God did not just drop us into this world to fend for ourselves. He will guide us if we ask for His help – that’s the key. We have to acknowledge that we need His help, and seek His guidance in our decisions. The path He guides us down will bring honor to His name. If we are going down a path that dishonors God, it is not one He is guiding us down.

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect me and comfort me. Most people will try to be there for us when we are going through a hard time. Some people will stick through for just a short time after the worst seems to be over (think: the week after a funeral, the first month after a job loss) but then go back to their regular lives and not think of our struggles very often. A small number of people will stick through the entire struggle with us (our spouse, parent, closest friend, etc). But God is there all of the time…everywhere we are. He never gets tired of hearing about our hurts, our problems, our struggles. For this reason, we should not be afraid. We have a God who will never leave us.

You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings.  Never mind the “glass half empty or half full” concept. God overflows our cup with blessings. We need to acknowledge the blessings that we have: we know the big ones (our families, friends, church, health, home, etc), but there are also those that are not immediately obvious to most people – the intangible things. We are blessed to be able to learn new things, to see the changing seasons, to have the opportunity to meet new people, to keep up with people through social networks and cell phones (do you realize what smartphone owners can do now with their phones, the same tasks used to require a landline phone to be plugged into a bulky computer in the home?)

Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.  Every day we are on this earth, God is pursuing us with His goodness and unfailing love. Even when we’ve messed up, or just don’t feel like pursuing God…He is still pursuing us. He loves us. I don’t know about other people, but I know I misused the word ‘forever’ a lot in my middle and high school years. Think about the phrase, ‘BFF’. All of those years, I called about seven or eight girls my best friends, and we wrote ‘BFF’ on our notes we passed in school. None of those girls are still my best friends…therefore, ‘forever’ only lasted as long as school did. We all grew up and changed and went in different directions. But God does not change: ‘forever’ in this verse really means forever. We will be with God forever. Our time with God will never end.

That is breathtaking.

Direct Contact

You know those moments where a truth that you’ve always known about God for years just suddenly comes alive? I have always known that when we pray, we talk directly to God, but a few days ago I was reading John 16:20-26, and these verses suddenly jumped out to me:

In that day, you will ask in my name. I am not saying that I will ask the Father on your behalf. No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God. John 16:26-27

This is BIG. We talk to God directly…there is no go-between. We don’t have to talk to someone that is “qualified” to communicate with God. We don’t have to know every single word of the Bible to be able to talk to God. No college degree is required. God loves us because we love Jesus and believe that Jesus is God’s Son. We can talk to God because we believe in the salvation that comes through Christ.

Isn’t that encouraging? We don’t have to word our prayers exactly right…we just need to get into the habit of continuously talking to God. Praise Him for who He is, thank Him for all that He’s done and all that He is teaching us, ask Him for guidance, and cry out to Him when we are faced with challenges and problems that seem to be bigger than us. After all, our God is bigger than anything that we would have to face.

One step at a time

There are a number of Bible stories that almost everyone is familiar with, no matter which church you grew up in. One of the well known stories of the New Testament is where Jesus turned water into wine at a wedding. I had read this story so many times before that it would have been very easy to just skim over the words without really picking up on anything, but I had previously decided that I was going to read the book of John and find at least one piece of truth in each chapter that I could apply to my daily life. So, I prayed for God to reveal something new to me, and He did.

The truth that stood out to me while reading the story of Jesus turning water into wine is the fact that Jesus did not tell them what would happen; He simply gave them steps to follow. 

John 2:7-8: Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim. Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.”

I know if I needed wine (or tea, or any other drink) and all Jesus told me to do was fill a bunch of jars with water, I would have the attitude of wondering why on earth I’m wasting time with water when I needed to go out and get the drink that I need. That, however, is the training of society: that we must go through the system of buying what we need. As followers of Christ, we should trust Jesus by doing what He says…one step at a time. Here are some areas where I struggle with following one step at a time:

-          When I have a project at work, I like to see an outline so I know exactly what direction I will be going in.

-          When I am driving somewhere new, I like to have the directions from beginning to end right by me. I don’t like driving somewhere with a person telling me turn by turn where to go.

-          When I am going to a meeting, I like to know what is going to be the general purpose and  outline of the meeting.

-          When signing up for something new (for example, registering for college courses) I want to know the process that I will be going through.

Although the fact that we must follow Jesus one step at a time is not new to me, seeing it in scripture reinforces the truth and makes it easier to reference back to whenever I am in a situation where I cannot see the full path ahead of me. I am in one of those situations now, and I have been for over a year, but I trust that God is my Provider and I continue to follow His lead every day. We are all where we are right now because there is a greater purpose for us to fulfill. Some of us may see what we are influencing around us; others may never see it while we are on this earth; but we should all know that there is something bigger happening around us.

Go deeper

I had a amazing experience yesterday, the kind that only God could bring me into. Before I went to church in the evening to volunteer at Next Level (the area in our church where people who have accepted Christ come to be prayed over and receive a Bible), I spent a couple hours reading through devotionals and my Bible, and the last 10 minutes I spent on my knees in silence, ready to hear from God. The phrase “young girl” just kept going through my head, but I wasn’t sure if it was just my own mind thinking up those words. However, I kept my heart open and prayed for God to speak through me. We ended up having a few people come to our table last night, and sure enough…the very last was a young girl. I took the initiative to talk to her and I led everyone in prayer over her, just letting the Holy Spirit speak through me. It was an incredible moment to finally step out of myself and fully give the Holy Spirit control.

I feel like the time I spent in God’s word yesterday afternoon opened up my heart to be able to hear from God. I will be honest here...I go almost all week just barely reading over a devotional before I go on to the other things in my day. I have email devotionals that come to my inbox all day, and I read them when I receive them and pray whatever prayer is included, but I seldom spend much time contemplating over anything or letting the message truly sink into my heart. The Holy Spirit is convicting me that I really need to make this more of a priority, but I know that I cannot do it without God’s help. That being said, here is my challenge:

• I will start by making it a habit on Saturday or Sunday afternoon to spend at least one hour reading my Bible and going through my devotionals in a more concentrated setting than just briefly reading over everything.
• The next step is to spend at least one hour 3 days a week…probably Tuesday, Thursday, and then one of the weekend days.
• Final step is to spend at least 30 minutes reading the Bible and going through devotionals on a daily basis.

I desire to be closer to God, and to spend more time in His Word learning from what He has to say, instead of what the world says.

Opposition

I want to post some words of encouragement for anyone who is doing what God has lead them to do and facing any level of opposition. Ever since my husband and I got engaged and really started getting into what God is planning for us, we have faced a lot of opposition when we have things that we are trying to do. This was our first week of our church eGroup (our church's name for a small group, for those who do not attend Elevation), and we were still in the process of moving all week. After some setbacks with vehicles (camry severely needing a wheel bearing replaced, a punctured tire on the Mazda, and a van we borrowed dying in our driveway) I got very easily frustrated and upset.

Today, I had taken the Camry in for the repair. I received bad news about three hours later, when I finally checked my voicemail on my cell phone and found out that there was more repair work that needed to be done, and it just about doubled the cost. I just closed my office door for privacy, got on my knees, and cried to God that I just didn't have that money. I've been promising myself my entire life (ok...since high school when I was in a financial class) that I was not going to live paycheck to paycheck, but these unexpected expenses are leading me down that road. I have a person at work that as soon as something goes wrong, I go to them and start to complain about what's happened, so I can receive some sympathy. I am praying for God to help me on this, to lead me to always turn to Jesus and then stop there. We are currently in a series at church on Hebrews 12, and Hebrews 12:2 says "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith".  I need to remember to focus on Jesus, especially when faced with problems that life brings.

While some things that happen can be direct hurdles in the way of we are trying to do for God (such as us moving into the house in time to start our small group, without beind frantic), the devil may not always seem to be obviously trying to stop you...he just wants you to become discouraged, aggravated, and impatient, therefore making you less effective for God. Don't give him that victory.

I will close with this: a magazine we just received had an excerpt from Pastor Steven Furtick's blog, and this is what it said, "The circumstances, struggles and attacks you face are not the ultimate determining factor of the kind of life you live. How you use them is. And there isn't a single situation in your life that can't be used for your good and God's glory."

Never Once

"Never once did we ever walk alone, never once did you leave us on our own, you are faithful, God you are faithful"

Those are some of the lyrics to a worship song from Matt Redman that we have been singing recently at church, and it is such a powerful song. As I was doing my devotional from The Message//Remix:Solo today, my thoughts went to these lyrics. I was reading Joshua 1:1-9, and verse 9 in The Message says: "Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.

We are not alone, no matter where we go and what we face each day. Whether we feel happy, sad, irritated, nervous, hurt, lonely, or overwhelmed by what is going on around us, remembering that God is with us brings peace that lasts longer than peace we could receive from any other source.

New Things Ahead

There are so many things coming up in the month of September that I am absolutely excited for. The biggest thing, however, is the leadership conference on the 8th. I cannot wait to attend this event, especially now that Chris and I have been officially approved to lead our eGroup on the book Not A Fan. It is going to be such a fun and challenging experience.

One quote from the book says this: "Following Jesus isn't something you can do at night where no one notices. It's a twenty-four-hour-a-day commitment that will intefere with your life". I have experienced this so much in the past month...lately I have felt a constant need for more of God lately. More and more of my conversations at work are faith-related. My desire to read the Bible or a Christian Inspiration book has outweighed my desire for some of the other things I used to do in my free time. I do still watch TV, browse the internet, etc, but the time I spend doing these things has greatly decreased. I want to be the true follower of Jesus that I am meant to be. I want to remember to ask for guidance from the Holy Spirit on a minute-to-minute basis. And I want to learn how to sit in silence and wait on God. That is my biggest challenge. Just a couple nights ago, I tried this for the first time in a while, sitting for ten minutes. In those ten minutes, I felt very aware of the music that the crickets make at night. With the tv or radio on, you can easily miss it, but when you eliminate all of the distractions you realize how soothing the sounds of nature are.

Pastor Steven announce this past week that Elevation will be having a 12-night revival starting in January. I have never been to a revival in my life, but I am super excited to find out how to be a part of this one. 12 nights of worshiping Jesus and listening to preachers pouring into us so we can pour into the people in our lives sounds good to me!

Final Answer

After months of waiting and praying and hoping, I was given the answer yesterday about Corporate's decision on allowing my managers to hire me. Their answer was no. However, I still have my job as a temp.

I took the news calmly in the HR office, but once I got back to my desk discouragement started to set in. Even though I know God is providing for us, and this is the source of income I have been given, I let the negative points settle in...I won't get paid holidays. I won't get paid vacation. Anytime I want time off, my paycheck will suffer. I won't feel free to ever just take an afternoon off to go to a doctor's appointment because I'll always have to make up the time.

It's easy to let all of those details seem bigger than the fact that I have a job. I didn't walk out of work yesterday to rejoin the unemployment lines. I really believe that this is teaching me to trust God, not my job title. Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding." My own understanding says that this isn't fair, I deserve the full time job with benefits and sick time and vacation and holiday pay. But God says that this is how He is providing for us...I have more than enough income to cover the bills. I can save up some money in a reserve to make up for the pay I would miss when I want to take a vacation day or two, or when a holiday comes up.

I was reading Jon Acuff's book Quitter this morning, and I came across a passage that was very encouraging. It said, "Every decision you make, every path you take, has the ability to contribute something you need to suceed at your dream." I'm still not 100% sure what my dream is. I'm not sure what it is in life I'm going to be doing, besides being a supportive wife to the most amazing husband in the world. But based on what I've seen so far, I'm going to take things one step at a time, and I will be exactly where I am meant to be. I'm learning a lot at this job, both professionally and personally, that I would not have been able to learn by just walking into a job and never going through layoffs and company downsizing, never having to face unemployment and the uncertainty of what comes next.

God is providing for our needs, and although I know I won't be at this company for the rest of my life, I'm there right now, and I'm surrounded by a group of wonderful people who have become an extended family.

Psalm 88...and 89

Psalm 88 spoke to me the other day...but not in a way that made me say, "ah, yeah I've been there, I know that feeling." I haven't been there. Sure, in my life, I've had my share of hard times, and I've had seasons where I felt discouraged and hopeless...but not to the point where I feel like God has forgotten me. I have never experienced something where I could quote the second part of verse 5, "I am forgotten, cut off from your care". I'm scared that there will be a day where I will face feeling like that...but what's interesting is the fact that where Psalm 88 is the voice of someone in pain crying out to God, Psalm 89:1-18 describes characteristics of God: God's love, faithfulness, promises, might and power. The Psalm opens with praise that God's love is unfailing. Psalm 89:1 "I will sing of the Lord's unfailing love forever! Verses 14-15 say this:

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne. Unfailing love and truth walk before you as attendants. Happy are those who hear the joyful call to worship, for they will walk in the light of your presence, Lord.

Further on in Psalm 89, it talks about God's promise to David in verse 22 & 24, "His enemies will not defeat him, nor will the wicked overpower him...my faithfulness and unfailing love will be with him, and by my authority he will grow in power." Finally, towards the end, the Psalm goes into crying out in pain to God in verse 50: "Consider Lord, how your servants are disgraced! I carry in my heart the insults of so many people." Yet, the end of the Psalm still says in verse 32 "Praise the Lord forever!" Things don't have to be good before we can praise God. We can praise Him even when we're struggling. It takes a change of heart, but that is something God can work on if we just submit our hearts to Him.

I know it was not a coincidence that these two Psalms are back to back...and the uplifting words come after a psalm full of pain and sadness. After all, when something goes wrong, we it's easy to forget all the stuff that's gone right. Tough circumstances seem to overshadow the good. We need to be reminded of God's goodness and faithfulness when storms come into our lives.

That's not to say that you won't ever face adversity with hope and strength...I'm not saying that at all. But when problems in life start to take us down, we have hope and strength from God to lift us back up.

I pray that if there comes a time where I do feel like Psalm 88, that I also remember to read Psalm 89.

5 Years later

Five years. Just how much can change in five years? Compared to a span of 20 years, five doesn't seem like that long of a time. But look at it this way: you're in kindergarden, and five years later you're entering 5th grade. You've gone from learning the basics of writing letters and numbers and how to read words, to actually reading textbooks to learn and doing advanced math problems and working with fractions and decimals. In five years, you go from the upper grades of elementary school to the first year of high school. In five years, you're done with high school and you're either starting college or starting longer working hours (or both, in some cases).

In the past five years since high school, a lot has changed in my life. I went from a teenager who dreaded church and thought it was boring to a 23-year old who looks forward to reading the Bible every day and who desires to hear God's direction for her life. I tried doing things my own way and learned that God's way is best. I've been through two job layoffs and I am back at the company I started with (although I'm still waiting for a "permanent" position in the company). I've seen my dad's health get worse, with bad days outnumbering the good - and I still struggle to be the encouragement my mom needs. My best friend since middle school and I have drifted apart and we don't really talk anymore - and I never saw that coming. However, I have developed a closer friendship with a friend from my senior year in high school. After struggling with being with the wrong person for years, once I surrendered everything to God He brought me to the right person, and we have been happily married for 3 months. It hasn't been trouble-free: life has thrown some challenges at us already, and we have had to take a few risks. But we stand together and face life as a united front.

Here is a list of things I've learned in the first five years after high school:

1. Faith is not about following religious rules, being a good person, and going to church every week. Faith is having your own relationship with God and trusting Him even when things are hard and don't make sense. You're not just going to church: you are the church.
2. God's grace and salvation through Christ beats anything this world could ever offer. With these gifts (because they're free...you don't have to do anything except accept them) comes peace and strength, plus freedom from guilt and shame regarding mistakes we've made.
3. Take the lessons of experience from those around you into consideration when making big decisions.
4. If you don't sincerely believe something you're saying, people can tell.
5. Be careful with getting into debt for a car. Either save up and pay for it outright, or buy something affordable that's also reasonably new with low mileage. The longer your payment terms, the more repairs and maintenance you are going to have on top of your payment. This drains money FAST.
6. Your parents want the best for you, and they want you to be happy. However, they are human and sometimes make mistakes in the way they communicate their concerns.
7. High school drama seems silly once you've been out in the real world for a while.
8. Debit cards are great, but it's best to pull out a limited amount of spending money and stop spending once it's gone. Watching the money coming out of your wallet is more effective than swiping plastic through a machine.
9. Be careful with credit card debt. It is very easy to rack up your balance above what you can pay off in one payment. You are more likely to think twice about charging large amounts,  but it's the multiple smaller amounts that get you.
10. Refuse to be the only responsible one in a dating relationship. There should never been one person paying for everything. If they don't want to lift a finger financially, RUN. If they don't want to get a job, RUN FASTER.
11. The former me that thought church and the Bible was boring would have seen what this list was and just skip over it...but I challenege you to read them anyway, and at least consider what a few of them mean to you. Here are some verses that I live by:
• Proverbs 3:5 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
• Proverbs 4:23 - Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
• Proverbs 15:1 - A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.
• Psalm 16:8 - I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
• Romans 2:4 - Don't you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you?
• Romans 12:12 - Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.
• 2 Corinthians 4:18 - So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
• Ephesians 3:20 - Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.
• Ephesians 4:2 - Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love.
• Philippians 4:13 - For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
• 1 Timothy 4:12 - Don't let anything think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.
• 2 Timothy 1:7 - For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

Something's coming soon

I've been having this feeling lately that God is about to move in a big way in my life. I have no clue what that's going to look like just yet, but I just have this unsettled feeling that something is coming. I mentioned this at the beginning of July, but the feeling keeps getting stronger.

I feel like God is challenging me to step out of my comfort zone in two areas: leadership and volunteering. It all started last spring when I was in my first small group from church, and the leader contacted me one day and wanted to meet. She said she really saw leadership potential in me, and ever since then I've been reading a couple blogs on leadership. Chris and I even signed up for the Newspring Leadership Conference that is happening in September. Just recently Chris discovered the book Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman, and we both ended up reading it. He has decided to start an eGroup about this book, and I'm excited about this starting up. Even though he's the official leader, as his wife I will definitely have some part in leading the group.

Concerning volunteering, I have been on the greeting team at Elevation since last March. This position is somewhat challenging for me, because even though I like to smile and be welcoming, I'm also an introvert and therefore naturally quiet. However, a few months ago David McGuirk was standing at the Next Level table, and we started talking (he was a part of my Starting Point group when I accepted Christ in 2009). He told me that I should consider volunteering on the Next Level team, and at the time I was very intimidated by the idea. My biggest fear is that I will not know what to say, especially when it comes time to pray with the person who has just received Christ. However, the thought has been resurfacing recently. I am making sure that this is from God and not just me feeling bored with where I'm currently serving.

I was reading a devotional a few days ago, and the main scripture for that day was Joshua 1:1-9. These verses have been speaking to me about both of these situations, along with my life in general. I've always said that I'm happy being someone's assistant and handling the details, and I'd rather someone else be the face to present the information. Joshua 1:1 challenged me on this, where Joshua was called "Moses' assistant." God appointed an assistant to be a leader...and a leader of a very big movement, at that. Then God promises this in verses 5 and 9: "I will not fail you or abandon you...be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

The devotional says this (the writer was talking about public speaking): "I spent time in prayer...I prepared by reviewing the training material and practicing my presentation. I went into the traning trusting in God." So, here are the main action points summed up:

1) Pray
2) Prepare
3) Practice
4) Trust God

I am praying for God to make it clear to me on what I need to do concerning volunteering. I feel like the Next Level area would be a huge challenge, but I get excited when I hear about salvations and life change. God has changed my life so much in the past 2 years and this is just the beginning.

How I spent my week off

The company I work at has a mandatory shutdown the week of July 4th. My initial intention was to fill the week with at least one sermon for 4 days, make a trip to kohls with my mom, and spend lots of time with my husband (plus one afternoon was dedicated to apartment searching). However, the week did not turn out exactly as planned... and it's not all a bad thing.

For starters, what began as a trip to the Apple store to pick up my repaired iPhone ended up being the day we picked up our first kitten. After just the first day of having her, I fell in love with her, and she is the perfect fit for us to start out our family. She is a beautiful Flamepoint Siamese, and quite a spaz. I am learning how to have a lot more patience, since this is my first indoor cat. Growing up with the cats outdoors always gave me a lot of separation time, so I never spent more than 2 hours at a time with any cat.

Tuesday came, and that was the day that I originally planned on going to Kohls. Unfortunately, on my way into my parents' neighborhood, the noise that I've been hearing on my car got worse, so I ended up turning around and trading my shopping trip for an hour at the repair shop. The news I got was that the noise was ultimately pointing to a $700 repair that can wait for a little while but I will have to get done in the next few months.

God has revealed to me exactly how much I've been trusting money. Just a few short months ago, my account had 3 times as much as it does right now. Little by little (or a lot, in some cases), I'm seeing my account go down lower than I've ever had it go. I don't ever want to live paycheck to paycheck, so I'm going to try my best to have a little margin in my account, but I've just come to realize how much trust I actually have been putting in money. Although God definitely wants us to be smart with the resources He's blessed us with, He also commands us to give it when we are prompted to. We are not going without any needs being met, and that is a huge blessing.

I have not yet listened to a sermon completely through this week; however, I did read through Craig Groeschel's book Weird, which is a GREAT and challenging book. Then I started reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan, and it's absolutely awesome. In one chapter, he tells us to put down the book and read John 14-16. I discovered a lot in this chapter...4 pages worth in my written journal.

John 14 opens with this statement: Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father's home. Not having enough room is a problem in our society. We have overcrowded schools, overcrowded buses, and parents selling their homes to buy a bigger home to accomodate their growing family (not to mention the stuff for each family member). Anytime an event is planned, the amount of space is considered for the amount of people attending. Concerts and other entertainment shows become "sold out" and there's not enough room for all the fans. The promise that God's home has more than enough room for everyone is HUGE. We will never have to worry that Heaven will run out of room.

In Jon 14:12-13 Jesus says "Anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father." I don't believe this means we can ask for a Ferrari and a beach house, and we will get it. Nor will it be that we will ask for a specific situation to be immediately resolved, and it will happen. I believe this means if we ask for something that will build God's church and bring glory to Him, we will get it. A similar verse is in John 15:7, "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted." No, Jesus is not a magic genie. If we are in Christ, with the word He has given, we will not be asking for worldly things. The experience that comes to mind is the recent spontaneous baptisms we had at church a few months ago. We started out with Pastor Steven requesting five, and we ended up with 134!

John 16:33 "Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, for I have overcome the world." This life isn't going to be easy. Jesus reminds us, however, that He has overcome the world - nothing is greater than Him on this earth. Not even death can separate us from God.

It's been a while

I haven't updated in a long time, but I've been struggling with something for the past few months and I feel like I should share my thoughts here.

I've been a temp at my job for over a year now, and although I know they're working on getting me approved to be hired, the decision makers at the corporate office of the company are taking their time on saying 'yes'. Meanwhile, I've watched as all but two of the temps brought in after me were hired, plus the emails coming through about new hires at other locations. My positive attitude that I was keeping up at the beginning just came crashing to the ground with each passing month. I know God is going to put me where I need to be, I'm just getting more anxious as the time passes. I received some encouragement from a preacher that works with me, and I know permanent employment is coming. In the middle of my struggle, I asked God to change my perspective on my job, and then I just let the words flow on paper. Here's what came out:

It's more than just sitting at a computer working on spreadsheets. I get to use my computer skills to help other people complete their projects and reports. My strong point is working in computer programs to find and organize information, while their strong point is to analyze the information and take action based on what they find.

It is more than just bringing coffee to the breakroom every morning. It is a chance to brighten someone's day and encourage the production teams. The more I smile at people (even if I don't feel like it at first), the more joyful I feel, which makes me smile even more.

It's more than just shipping samples in the absence of someone else. It is the opportunity to give them the peace of mind that the most urgent portion of their job is getting done while they are on vacation. They know that they will not have to come back to a week's work of requests to fill.

And finally...greeting is more than just smiling and saying 'hello' and 'welcome'. It's welcoming  people into a place where God will ultimately change their life, if they let Him.

I feel like something is going to happen soon. I feel a sense of unrest (but it's a positive unrest) that God is about to take hold of some aspect of our lives. We've signed up to go to the Newspring Leadership Conference this year, and I really feel like God is going to do something in us as a result. I am ready for what comes next.

Faith to Stay Put

I really needed the message that Pastor Steven's drivetime devotional was on today. It was called Faith to Stay Put, and basically he was talking about how it takes great faith to stay in a situation that seems too hard or unfair. I've had times off and on recently where I've gotten discouraged about my job, because I am on my 8th month of being a temp and every time I see a notice that another location (usually Corporate) hired somebody, I have the when will it be my turn? feeling. I know that God has me there for a purpose, but there are just some days where I struggle with being frustrated.

One really awesome thing happened today though... I got my mom to listen to the devotional with me : ) This is huge for me because my going to a different church has been a major issue between us, since she raised me Catholic and she expected me to stay that way. However, her response to his message today was that his message was interesting...which coming from her is a HUGE compliment.

I started another short devotional a few days ago, on the topic of courage. Yesterday's reading was from Dnaiel 3, where Nebuchadnezzar throws three men into a furnace when they refuse to worship his idol and his gods. They refuse to obey him, and they state that they know that God is able to save them, but even if He doesn't they would still refuse to worship false gods. The results of their faith is amazing: none of them were harmed by the fire, and the king saw what God could do for those who believe in Him. He acknowledges Him as the "Most High God" in verse 26. I desire to have the courage and faith to walk into a fire in my life, trusting that God will not let me be harmed; but even if I am harmed, I would still trust and worship God.

Freedom and Perspective

As I was getting ready to go to bed last night, I sat down with my notes from the two sermons I listened to yesterday and started to pray over them. I have found this is a really good way to open up my heart to hear what God has to tell me. One of the passages was Ezekiel 14:1-5, on the topic of idols. Verses 4-5 spoke to me:

When any Israelite sets up idols in his heart and puts a wicked stumbling block before his face and then goes to a prophet, I the Lord will answer him myself in keeping with his great idolatry.  I will do this to recapture the hearts of the people of Israel, who have all deserted me for their idols.

I started asking if I truly have anything in my life that stands as an idol. While sitting there, I started thinking about my fear of fire. More specifically, my fear of a house fire. Multiple times a year there will be a night where I am in bed but not sleeping because this sudden fear of a fire starts creeping into my head. I start thinking about all of the stuff in my room that I would want to grab to save, and before you know it, it's 2am and I've got just four hours left to sleep before work. So last night, I felt like God was leading me around my room, and as I looked at everything, I slowly came to peace with everything being just what it is: stuff. Books that I would just have to buy again. CDs that I have saved on my iPod (which I have in my purse...the one thing I will grab on the run). Movies that can be replaced. Even all of the pretty decorations I have...my rose quartz dog, my crystal carving of a tiger's head, my painted shell from Topsoil Island...all of that is just stuff. True, some of it holds some good memories, but it's still just stuff in the end. The most important things to me that I have in my room are my notebooks with sermon notes, my couple's devotional Bible and my student Bible that I've highlighted and written in, and then all of the usual stuff that goes in my purse (wallet, for example). Just as a safety measure, I put my USB drive in my purse.

Walking around my room and acknowledging that I can let go of everything was truly freeing. God released a burden of fear from me last night. Ultimately, the most important thing to get out of my room is myself. You can replace most things, but you can't replace a person. As much as I would hate to lose my laptop, my life is worth more than a laptop.

On another note, this morning I succeeded in waking up and starting the day out by reading my Bible. However, it was my Bible app on my phone, and I was squinting...but it still made a difference. One of the verses I read this morning was Psalm 13:3 Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death. In The Message version, it says Take a good look at me, God, my God; I want to look life in the eye. Can you imagine that? Standing up to your day and saying, "Ok, life, here we go. What have you got for me? What is around me that I've been ignoring, but God wants me to see it because He sees it? Not only that, He wants me to do something about it." The devotional goes on to talk about how so much of our lives are dependent on our perspective. The writers of the devotional said it perfectly: "When things around us seem discouraging, God is always able to move our focus to something encouraging...Him." His love. His grace. His mercy. His faithfuness. His guidance.

First

Something I have been really struggling with is putting God first in my day. I know that the best way to start out my day, especially a work day, would be to open it in prayer and read my Bible first before I even climb out of bed. I have good intentions every night when I go to bed, but something happens when that 6:15 alarm goes off that just keeps me from getting up. It doesn't help at all that I never end up getting to bed before 11:30 every night, even on nights that I've been home for hours.

I listened to Pastor Craig Groeschel's sermon called "First" that he did at the beginning of the year. At the very start of the message he asked the question "What kind of year was last year for you spiritually?" and then he gave three general types of a year that you could fall into:  1) Spiritually apathetic; 2) Spiritually inconsistent; and 3) Spiritually consumed. I honestly feel that a good majority of my year in 2010 was the 3rd one; however, there were a few times where I feel like I was inconsistent in a few areas. I did not start out the year reading my Bible every day...there were some weeks I never picked it up after service on Sunday until the next weekend's service. Now, thanks to the Bible reading plan I had started (I honestly haven't kept up with it anymore. I've started others, but that one was a little intense), I hardly go a day without picking up my Bible at some point.

Pastor Craig listed 4 different areas of life to put God first, and the very first one was to seek God in the very first part of our day. He referenced Mark 1:35, which says "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed." Jesus did it, with everything else that He had going on. Therefore, why can't I rise above the challenge of getting up at the first alarm? It's simple: I've been relying on my own strength. I haven't asked God for help in this area. The first words out of my mouth in the morning are "ugh, no...not yet...five more minutes..." Five more minutes (or even twenty, since that's what I usually stretch it to) never make me feel any more rested, yet I keep doing it.

My prayer for tomorrow morning is for God to give me the strength I need to get up and spend time with Him first.

Thoughts On Awakening Day 2

Genesis 8 is the devotional chapter for Day 2 of the Awakening fast. As I was reading about how Noah was watching as the flood waters receded each day, I compared it to the winter storm we just had. As we are waiting for our world around us to thaw out, it gives us some extended time to reflect on God's word without distractions, and we can keep away from our busy-ness for another few hours. It also makes me think how we seem to feel like we're going stir-crazy when we're stuck indoors for 24 or 48 hours, and Noah was in the ark for over a year.

I watched The Five People You Meet In Heaven last night. I had read the book a few times but it's been a while since I have picked it up. There were a few quotes that stood out:

"There are no random acts - we are all connected". Things that you do affect other people, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. A lot of the times, we don't even know that something we did had an effect on someone else. The innocent smiles that we give people as a child can really make a difference in their day...there was one guy who worked as a cook in multiple restaurants that I went to as a kid, and when I started my first job after high school, I was surprised to find out that he also worked there. He had been working there during my entire childhood, yet all I knew back then about him was that he was a good cook.

On sacrifice: "Sometimes when you think you're losing something, you're really just passing it on to someone else."

"The world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." Everything that happens in this world is part of God's story. For example, when I first went to Elevation, the greeters were the first people I saw, and I was impressed by the amount of welcome everyone receives each week. But these greeters were people who first had to go through things in their lives to bring them to that point where they were serving at church. In order for Elevation to exist, (or any church for that matter) the people who were a part of starting the church had to get to the point in their lives where God could use them for that purpose.

I've decided today that instead of looking at the ice as a problem, I'm going to see the true beauty in the ice and snow. After all, it's part of God's creation, just like the wind in the trees and the and the summertime thunderstorms.

First 10 days of the new year

I am having a hard time believing we are only 10 days into 2011, and we're already on our second snowstorm of the season. However, I am very thankful for the snow day, because it is allowing me to focus on spending an entire day with God and with my family.  So far I will be off from work for at least two days this week, since the call-in number said it would be updated on Tuesday at noon.

I was reading Holly Furtick's blog last week, and she mentioned making 6x6 goals: Six goals for the next six weeks. It's a lot better to do that then to make one BIG new year's resolution that doesn't end up making it past the second week of January. Here are my 6x6 goals and how I'm doing so far:

1. Move over CDs and books to the apartment (started moving books, still have quite a bit left to box up and move)
2. Keep up with the devotionals that I've signed up for (so far so good)
3. Finish the book of Psalms (on Psalm 77)
4. Walk for 30 minutes three times a week (Not doing so good with this one...the last time I walked was two Saturdays ago. I don't count the mall walking trips where I bought a cookie afterward)
5. Go 6 weeks without buying another book (so far so good)
6. Finish Craig Groeschel's book on marriage and read Crazy Love by Francis Chan. (Have finished Craig's book, about to start Crazy Love today)

And I've added a 7th one: drink at least two 12oz bottles of water every day. That doesn't sound like a lot of water, but actually it's more than I usually drink. There have been times where a 12oz bottle lasts me three days. I did good with this on Friday, but over the weekend I barely had any water during the day.

We started a series at Elevation this week called Get Back. It's about recovering our spritual momentum, and one thing Pastor said at the very beginning stuck out: "You cannot create today's momentum with yesterday's memories." This is so true! If I focus on the not-so-good things that happened the day before as soon as I wake up in the morning, I'll feel defeated before I even get out of bed. Momentum is always moving forward, so that's where we should be looking.  The very last point that he made was that we need to dig some ditches in our situations (this is coming from 2 Kings 2:16). In this section of scripture, the Israelites were marching for seven days when they ran out of water. God told them, through Elisha, to dig ditches in the valley that they were in, and it would be filled with water. They saw no sign of rain coming, but they prepared for God to do what He said He would do to provide for them. We need to do what we can with what we have, and trust that God will provide for us and bring us through our situations.

A few days ago I heard about this 21 day fast called Awakening, and I've decided to fast from cakes, cookies, and any other desserts for the next 21 days. I am also cutting out snacking between meals (with the exception of fruit). This is easy when I'm at home, but not so much when I'm at work.

There is a devotional to go along with the 21 days as well. For day one we read Genesis 7, where Noah and his family get into the ark and God floods the earth, wiping out every living thing that is not on the ark. The purpose of fasting is to get closer to God, and to separate ourselves from worldly habits. Looking back at the story of the ark, that's exactly what God did with Noah.

What it looks like to have Jesus at the center of our lives

The first one-week sermon series of 2011 had a bit of an interesting title. It is called "Don't Put Jesus First This Year".  The title suprised me, but it was an incredible message. The overall point was that Jesus shouldn't just be put first in our daily lives, but He should be in everything of our daily lives. Every moment, every part of our lives, whether it be with our family, friends, work, health, finances, etc.

We had three of our campus pastors tag-teaming the message, and as I found out Saturday night was actually a little different than Sunday. God works in mysterious ways, though, and I believe I was there at the exact service I needed to be.

The first topic was what it looks like for Jesus to be at the center of our work. Larry Hubatka delivered this part, and he stated that we should focus on Jesus throughout the day to keep Him at the center. The second point (given by Wade Joye) was that Jesus should be at the center of our relationships. He said we should see God's vision for the relationship, and then serve like Christ and speak life into our relationships.

The third point was from John Bishop, and this is the one that had a huge effect on me. His topic was having Jesus at the center of our circumstances, and he gave us three questions to ask ourselves to find out if we have put Christ at the center of our circumstances:

1. Am I thinking mostly about myself in the midst of my circumstances?
2. Can I tell God the whole story right now? (Can I admit to God where I have failed in my situation)
3. Am I moving forward? (Am I still struggling with the same thing I have been struggling with for a while, or have I grown and am I facing different challenges?)

When I left church this weekend, I knew I had something in these notes that could potentially flip my world around, but I had no idea until I got home that night and sat down with my notes and started praying over them (which isn't really something I do all that much. God stepped in here).

Here's my situation: I've been going through a rough few years with my dad...he was diagnosed with diabetes when I was 11, and although he's had a lot of major things go wrong with his health, these past few years have really been bad. I've always been closer to my mom, but because of his constant health failing, I starting putting up a wall, not letting myself get too close, and quite frankly just taking on a terrible attitude towards my dad.  These past couple years have been full of ambulances and hospital visits, and especially the past few months he's been sick all the time. I've felt like a terrible daughter so many times recently, because of the thoughts I have and how I react to his problems...I've almost grown neutral to it. I've felt like I should change, but I never knew how. But Saturday night, I was sitting in my room, and I started reading over the verse again that John used in his message. Colossians 1:17 "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." I started praying for God to help me deal with my dad's health, and as soon as I said "Jesus change my heart" it was like a dam broke. For the first time I was crying for the suffering that my dad is going through, and not for the unfairness that I have to be in this environment.

It's pretty amazing what God can do when we open up our hearts to Him.

2011 = New Beginnings!

I am so excited for the beginning of a new year, this is going to be SUCH a big year in my life. Here's a look back on 2010:

2010 brought along so many changes. My dad got a pacemaker, I changed jobs (after another layoff) back to my first job at OMNOVA, my dating world did a complete 180, and I got baptized and engaged.

I started the year going through The Purpose Driven Life with some of the people from my Elevation Starting Point group and our leader Rick and his family, and I am completely grateful that I followed through with it. It's amazing what God has brought me through since I got saved in 2009. He placed me in the exact group that challenged me to step out of my comfort zone and get involved, plus I met one of my best friends in that group. While going through The Purpose Driven Life, I made the decision to start volunteering at church, and God took it from there. He prompted me to get into the exact role that I said I would never go near: greeting. I'm not comfortable with crowds, and when you're greeting, you are facing the crowds that walk in the doors. But what was amazing is not only did He change me personally through the experience, He led me to meet the love of my life, and answered my prayers at the exact time that was right.

I can't even begin to count the number of devotionals and reading plans I started in 2010.  I have become sort of A.D.D. on those...I have at least 2 going at the same time, because you never know which one will really hit home on any given day.

In the past year I discovered Christian authors and contemporary christian music (more on music later). I always liked Joyce Meyer, but I also discovered Max Lucado, Francis Chan, Craig Groeschel, and Clayton King. Pastor Steven also had his first book released, Sun Stand Still.

And this brings me to the music. Here are my songs of the year that have a special meaning to me (even if they weren't all released in 2010)

• Live Like We're Dying - Kris Allen
• Give Me Your Eyes - Brandon Heath
• Mama's Song - Carrie Underwood
• Praise You in this Storm - Casting Crowns
• Our God - Chris Tomlin
• God Gave Me You - Dave Barnes
• You Never Let Go - Elevation Church
• Give Me Faith - Elevation Worship
• You Found Me - The Fray
• The River - Good Charlotte
• Walk By Faith - Jeremy Camp
• Only You Can Love Me This Way - Keith Urban
• What Faith Can Do - Kutless
• Born Again - Newsboys
• Jesus Freak - Newsboys
• I'll Know You - Sons of Sylvia
• Stuck Like Glue - Sugarland
• Lose My Soul - TobyMac
• Get Back Up - TobyMac
• No Apologies - Trapt
• She Don't Want the World - 3 Doors Down

I heard a lot of sermons in 2010, following LifeChurch.tv and Perry Noble at Newspring, but here are my favorites:

• Sun Stand Still - Elevation.  Very Inspiring. Made me think about my prayer life, and if I'm living in audacious faith every day. Until this series, I had no idea what "audacious" even was.
• F-Bomb (Elevation) - Challenging series on forgiveness. It's a daily process, and sometimes you have to forgive someone over and over for the same offense.
• Christ Alone (Elevation) - Romans 8 series...which now, Romans 8 is one of my favorite chapters. Having the staff members reciting it on stage brought it to life for me.
• The Highest (Elevation) - Right before Christmas we had this series. Each week was life-changing.
• Confidence (LifeChurch.tv) - Not really sure if this came out in 2010, but it's one of my favorites that I listened to last year. Confidence in certain situations and atmospheres is something I've always struggled with, so this was a big message for me to listen to. "Real peace is not determined by our circumstances; real peace flows out of our relationship with and confidence in God."
• Margin (LifeChurch.tv) - Week two was on scheduling margin in our lives. Basically, we need to schedule some time in between our activities in our day.  One point was "Busy-ness does not equal importance, meaning, or productivity." He also mentioned two things that are commonly first to go when we are squeezed for time (and I've witnessed this in my life): the first is intimate time with God, the second is intentional times of rest.

I didn't have a specific favorite from Newspring, but I wasn't able to listen to a lot of their messages from this past year. I have a lot of them loaded on my iPod for whatever free moments I have in the near future.
One final note on 2010: I got to visit Newspring Church with Keirstin in August. We sat in one of the first few rows, and it was so amazing to be there! Next on the list is lifechurch with Craig Groeschel...haha.

For 2011 my focus is going to be to set up more of a routine for spending quiet time with God. Something that Larry Hubatka said in his part of the message last night (we had 3 campus pastors tag-teaming it) was that we should be creative in spending time with Jesus. That is going to stick on my mind for a long time, because I'm so stuck in the mindset that quiet time has to be alone in my room when no one will bother me...and that's just not possible every day. I'm going to ask God to show me new opportunities to spend time with Him.

2011 is going to be the best year of my life yet: I'm getting married in April to the most amazing guy I've ever known, and I'm so excited for what God has in store for both of us! There are a lot of unknowns that we are facing this year, but I know we will be able to pull through because we will always have our faith to turn to.