As I was getting ready to go to bed last night, I sat down with my notes from the two sermons I listened to yesterday and started to pray over them. I have found this is a really good way to open up my heart to hear what God has to tell me. One of the passages was Ezekiel 14:1-5, on the topic of idols. Verses 4-5 spoke to me:
When any Israelite sets up idols in his heart and puts a wicked stumbling block before his face and then goes to a prophet, I the Lord will answer him myself in keeping with his great idolatry. I will do this to recapture the hearts of the people of Israel, who have all deserted me for their idols.
I started asking if I truly have anything in my life that stands as an idol. While sitting there, I started thinking about my fear of fire. More specifically, my fear of a house fire. Multiple times a year there will be a night where I am in bed but not sleeping because this sudden fear of a fire starts creeping into my head. I start thinking about all of the stuff in my room that I would want to grab to save, and before you know it, it's 2am and I've got just four hours left to sleep before work. So last night, I felt like God was leading me around my room, and as I looked at everything, I slowly came to peace with everything being just what it is: stuff. Books that I would just have to buy again. CDs that I have saved on my iPod (which I have in my purse...the one thing I will grab on the run). Movies that can be replaced. Even all of the pretty decorations I have...my rose quartz dog, my crystal carving of a tiger's head, my painted shell from Topsoil Island...all of that is just stuff. True, some of it holds some good memories, but it's still just stuff in the end. The most important things to me that I have in my room are my notebooks with sermon notes, my couple's devotional Bible and my student Bible that I've highlighted and written in, and then all of the usual stuff that goes in my purse (wallet, for example). Just as a safety measure, I put my USB drive in my purse.
Walking around my room and acknowledging that I can let go of everything was truly freeing. God released a burden of fear from me last night. Ultimately, the most important thing to get out of my room is myself. You can replace most things, but you can't replace a person. As much as I would hate to lose my laptop, my life is worth more than a laptop.
On another note, this morning I succeeded in waking up and starting the day out by reading my Bible. However, it was my Bible app on my phone, and I was squinting...but it still made a difference. One of the verses I read this morning was Psalm 13:3 Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death. In The Message version, it says Take a good look at me, God, my God; I want to look life in the eye. Can you imagine that? Standing up to your day and saying, "Ok, life, here we go. What have you got for me? What is around me that I've been ignoring, but God wants me to see it because He sees it? Not only that, He wants me to do something about it." The devotional goes on to talk about how so much of our lives are dependent on our perspective. The writers of the devotional said it perfectly: "When things around us seem discouraging, God is always able to move our focus to something encouraging...Him." His love. His grace. His mercy. His faithfuness. His guidance.
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